| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|06:17 pm] |
You brought the sunlight through my window each morning
My childhood wouldnt have been the same without our shared time
You destroyed every barrier I had built between my heart and yours
They say, You never forget your first love
Thats why you cross my mind each day
Even as I lay next to my new life I think of you laying next to yours
I regret the words I said to you that night
I cried for nights hoping I could turn back the clock
You only brought me happiness
and that night I brought you pain
our future scared me
you wanted to be the father of my children
I was afraid you wouldnt be accepted by my own
A life of confusion and distress laid ahead of us
I wanted to keep you from all that
So I said my goodbyes that night praying you would move on
My mistake will forever live in my mind
I apologize for what I took and what could have been
You will always be that prince that held me high away from the darkness
But for now I will continue to pray for your peace |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|10:50 pm] |
Could everything really fall into place?
Is my desire being satisfied?
I stood in the storm and waited for you
I wanted to hold your hand and have u lead the way
You let your ego get in the way of what we had
A shadow fell upon me the night I shut you out
My heart was left in an open field
struck by lightening, mever to fully recover
all I wanted was to smile
a smile without anything dark behind it
you took away my laughter and only gifted me with tears
I thank you for that
It has made me stronger
I have found another place to rest my heart
A place better than yours
I can laugh and be myself there once again
my pain is now for you to have
Take it as a gift from me to you |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|10:18 pm] |
On one side I have a boy who is not afraid to be my everything even if he is across the country...and on the other I have a boy who loves me but is afraid of commitment.
My life took a turn i never expected it to. When I thought I lost all hope to love..I was brought back to finding something better than a I ever could imagine.
Im still a bit lost..and there are still a lot of complications. but him being my dad's best friend's son...makes it easier..his parents love me..my parents love him.
I pulled a stunt that I never thought I would....I did the whole "indian movie" love story type..who would have thought right? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|09:21 pm] |
Back at the psychiatrist's office
my mind never seems to stop turning
I can't hold on to my sanity, I claim
I put my face in my hands and weep
The entire world has stopped it seems
I need a cure I scream
Sobbing like a child
Frustration seeps from my eyes
She hands me a bottle
pink pills to soothe the heart, she tells me |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|09:17 pm] |
She keeps staring at me
As if she knows my secret
I feel naked as she looks at every inch of me
Her eyes burning with questions
my soul is stripped
I try to walk away
but her stare keeps me glued
Im stuck behind the shadow of my own guilt
Her eyes are stuck on me as if she knows
I start to stare back
and I notice the mirror in front of me |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|09:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | coffee plant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | what they are playing | ] |
I cried tears for you tonight
cold tears that streamed down my pale cheeks
what we had is lost
what was ours is now someone else's
I hold my jealousy in my hands as I see you smiling
I cried tears for your tonight
As I packed away our time together
A corner I seldomly stare at
I hope to bring your pictures out soon
I want to wear your orange tshirt again
until then
I'll cry tears for you tonight |
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| another one |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|05:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | coffee plant | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | whatever they are playing | ] |
I lost a bit of my sanity today
knowing you arent there with me everyday
spiritually my heart is with yours
physically my body is without yours
I destroyed that barrier today
the barrier I built between us when you left me
I came to the conclusion today that you never left
our love is still as strong as it was when we met
I can't look into your eyes without seeing how much you actually care
I lied to you when I said I moved on
I havent moved on
I don't think I ever will
You will always be the man I fell in love with and gave my entire heart to |
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| all my thoughts jumbled up in my poetry |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|05:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | coffee plant | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  moody | ] |
| [ | music |
| | whatever they are playing | ] |
stillness
nothing can be heard
except for my thoughts
they scream loudly through the air
the heat is making me ancy
my heart starts to question everything
existance seems to be scarce
but everyone can hear my thoughts
they seem to be written on my face
cam be seen in my eyes
these thoughts rest on the tip of my tongue
questions arise
I search for answers
instead I find a blackhole
the answers seem to have fallen into it
I jump in after them |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2006|01:33 am] |
Why is it that I cant get over dustin? my boyfriend from highschool...as hard as I try..even if I dont talk to him for a long time?
How do I know if Im in love with someone?? Is love even a real thing? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2006|02:44 am] |
the words you said to me
stung my heart
your comments haunted me even in my sleep
i could never escape
those harsh words that created my self destruction
Starved so my legs would be thinner
threw up so my love handles would go away
created a barrier between me and the mirror
I avoided any contact with you
I had always been told that you could always count on family
I guess that was a lie
you were the cause of my tears
I wish you could have seen me like you see your own daughter
I was innocent and young once just like her
I had enough taunts at school and i didnt need more at home
You will never understand what you have done to me
Your ego will forever place a wall between your values
One day you will see
those harsh words created my self destruction |
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mydisaster85's journal
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